THE TRANSITION IN TO PARENTHOOD FOR MANY IS A CONFLICTING EXPERIENCE. ONE OF SO MUCH JOY AND FEAR.
In some capacity, I've always been drawn to working with mothers. Before I was a mother myself, I really did get that it looked like hard work.
Before I become a parent, I also preached that being good at something was just a question of commitment and practice.
Well, turns out parenting doesn't quite work that way.
Whereas in the past I usually called upon grit to get what I wanted, parenting required I call upon a very different practice.
Communication, clarity, intention, empathy and heart.
That's the best any of us can do.
When I got pregnant, I was surprised by how isolating and confused I felt by something I genuinely wanted. I had launched my independent coaching practice on a Thursday and
I found out I was pregnant. I was overjoyed at first, but over time the anxiety crept in.
Was I going to be able to handle this? How could I work and be a mom? What would happen to my marriage? Would I ever travel again? Would I recognize my body? I hadn't experienced that level of self doubt in a long time (if ever).
When I had my son, I was even more surprised by how much anxiety and fear I experienced after birth, followed by several months of foggy confusion. I used to know exactly who I was and what I wanted, but after I found out I was pregnant, everything sort of
. I just couldn't figure out what mattered to me anymore.
I was always lucky enough to have great, supportive, friends, but there is something about saying the "wrong" thing as a parent. Hearing that someone never experienced the feelings I was experiencing was hard and further proved the theory that there is something wrong with
How can some of the most anxiety provoking weeks of my life be described as "blissful" to others?
I picked up coaching with an educated and experienced coach few months after the birth of my son and I immediately started to feel that the burdens were lifted. I wish I had started when I was pregnant. The anxiety of managing family, friends, hired help, a baby's nap schedule, breastfeeding, schools, solids, playdates, it goes on and on - all of it was just so hard and so confusing. Yes, so many of these anxieties are "blessed" - but that does not make them any less daunting. I won't even get in to the whirlwind effect that pregnancy and childbirth had on my marriage!
I believe that no woman should be expected to just "know" how to do this parenting thing. We go to school for years and years to prepare for our jobs, and even then we feel insecure. Why is society so sympathetic to someone having job dissatisfaction, but ambivalent feelings about parenting suddenly make you an unfit parent?
My point is: none of us should have to go through this alone.
My mission became clear after months of reflecting and healing: help mother's in the same way that I was helped
Just because you "have it all" does
mean that parenting is easy. It is healthy, expected and NORMAL to need support in any major life transition- especially one that involves the livelihood of another.
Whether it is coaching with me or seeking support to any degree, do yourself a favor and connect with someone who truly understands you and is very educated in matters of maternal wellness and family dynamics. You can find someone you truly love to talk to, who helps you get clear, focused and in to action.
If you don't believe you are a strong enough reason to get help,
do it for your child.
Every child deserves a happy parent.
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