Today I am able to look at “haters”, also known as “judgmental people” or “people who judge”, and I see my old self in all of them. Why? Because I was one. I used to be “that person” who walked down the street judging everyone’s outfit, hair style, job, and even their relationship. You name it…I judged it! I was “that person” you were wary of because I constantly used other people’s flaws to feel better about myself. It was my sustenance, so naturally I was always looking for it.
I talked shit about you, rolled my eyes at you, and refused to connect with you because I could barely stand myself. At the time, I couldn’t see it. In hindsight, it’s extremely clear.
No one could have impressed me because I was so incredibly unimpressed with myself. I wanted to prove that you were as big of a loser as I was, and it made no difference what you did or didn’t do. You were damned if you did and damned if you didn’t.
I was jealous. I was unwilling to acknowledge your success. I was threatened by your happiness and unable to admit that you might be doing something great. The greater you were, the more I hated you. The happier you were, the harder I looked for your flaws.
Why was I so miserable? In my case, I treated my body like shit. I never followed through with my own word. I couldn’t trust myself to show up and make something great out of my life. I wasn’t honest in my friendships or in my relationships. I was constantly looking for answers outside of myself, instead of deep within where they were all along. I was trying to look smart by getting diploma after diploma, but never really feeling accomplished. I wasn’t taking care of myself and that is why I hated you.
Why am I telling you this? You need to know that as someone who judged you, my opinion of you had nothing to do with you. It was a narcissistic indulgence, completely self-driven.
So, don’t waste your time trying to please “that person” I used to be. They are miserable and need help. They don’t need you to keep the job you hate, or date someone you think you should date but don’t want to. That person doesn’t need you to wear something expensive or to be friends with someone cool. You can’t win with that person.
So, please don’t indulge them. Be you. At some point, that person might decide to change. Until then, tell the old me to f*ck off and go live the life you actually want to live.